What began with a dream now feels like death. At least for
now – so far as now goes.
As Holy Week trudges along, I’m feeling attuned to what the
disciples experienced as they, overcome with fatigue, questioned, deserted,
denied…
A deep, deep desire of my heart had flowered open to an extraordinary
opportunity. I entered into it with great delight – full of expectation.
Deeply committed, I seized the day and moved forward with a
grateful heart.
About half way through, disruption and disillusionment wormed
its way into the picture.
Here was a bitter pill to swallow. Even now discouragement,
stuck in my throat, threatens to choke desire and devotion.
I’m grateful for a timely reminder from Richard Rohr - a much needed check of the
reality that there will sometimes be a situation in your life (which) will lead you to a place, an event, a
relationship, a failing or falling apart of something wherein you can’t control
life anymore and you can’t understand it.
I’m empty and depleted. If there is any hope of restoration
and recovery, it’s on the far side of much processing.
The following prayer from my daily read – Common Prayer – A Liturgy for Ordinary
Radicals, by Shane Claiborne, et al, is my heart’s cry this day:
Lord,
teach us to dwell in the corners and crevices, to find an abundance of your
love in those pockets of our lives where the poverty of our abilities crowds
out our pride and ego. Amen
Lord, teach me. I want to learn.
I don’t see it yet - perhaps I never will. I have more
questions than answers these days. Seems
I’m between a rock and a hard place.
So I wait. I wait for grace.
I wait.
And then, the stone was found to have been rolled away.
I’ll wait – expectant.
And full of hope…. Trusting the process and the Presence….
Meanwhile, grace will meet me there.
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