Swinging into Spring

I’m a calendar girl. By that I mean that if the calendar says that it’s spring, I believe that it’s spring. Never mind that the landscape here in Western Michigan still holds piles of snow.  I saw a robin the other day and the snow IS melting so I believe that the new season is here. There’s no denying it & I need for this winter to be over. So I do hereby declare that the winter of my discontent has come to an end.

It began in late fall actually when ill health crept in like a chilly draft.

I hunkered down thinking that here was a simple squall I could easily weather.

This too shall pass…but it took the wind out of my sails. When a wave of arctic air swept in from the frozen north, I was unprepared for the perfect storm of dis-ease and distress that followed in its wake. The nights got longer and the snow kept falling and falling and falling. Trapped inside a virtual snow globe I found myself isolated and desolate. As the weather allowed – between snow storms, blowing and drifting snow and ice storms - I was shuttled around from one specialist to another and from one facility to another for various tests and scans to try to discover the underlying cause of all this physical distress.

As the winter dragged on, depression began seeping through the windows and walls.

One thing led to another like some unending game of chutes and ladders through this difficult and disappointing winter.

Several times over the past few months I’ve given consideration to the phrase, the spirit is willing but the body is weak. I’ve missed out on so much - pure and simple, the physical energy simply was not there.  The need for self compassion and kindness in the face of so much suffering was great.

There were nights when the physical pain was so horrific the only thing that got me through was by taking one breath and then another. Lying on the floor with one hand on my belly and the other hand on my heart, I would simply breathe. One breath after another….  Gradually the pain would ease and there was calm in the midst of the storm.

At one point I came to the conclusion that my body had betrayed me. Anger and frustration with my plot planted seeds of discontent and threatened to undo me. Just recently, my spiritual director invited me to consider that perhaps there was another way to look at the ongoing discomfort that has spread mercurially. Might it be that my body is speaking wisdom to me? Perhaps it is time to listen to that wisdom and learn that somewhere there is a balance between the want to and the capacity to actually do.

It’s a fine line and I’ve pondered the flip side of this conundrum before..

Now I’m giving more consideration to the body, mind, soul connection and the reality of my body as a vehicle for my spirit self - as the temple.

As the long winter dragged on, I was on the lookout  for encouragement. 

I found some here as a  random quote attributed to Tina Fey at  GrowingBolder.com came across my radar.  “You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the water slide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute,”  This gave me pause  - especially when a friend of mine responded – “I say, go down if it appeals to you, otherwise go find yourself a swing.”

Now that’s my kind of gal. I’m tired of the interminable game of chutes and ladders.

This calendar girl is ready to swing into spring.